Monday, March 25, 2013

Writing prompt #10

It's a little long maybe, I got carried away.

10. Start story with"She touched the little box in her pocket and smiled..."

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She touched the little box in her pocket and smiled, imagining what the evening held in store for her and her two closest friends. Sliding the box out of her pocket, Lexie ran her fingers over the velvety texture before quietly popping it open to peek inside. A small diamond set in white gold sparkled in the afternoon sun, throwing rainbows across Lexie's hands. She gingerly pulled the ring up and slipped it onto the third finger of her left hand. Perfect fit. Positively giddy, she put the ring back, snapped the box shut and dropped it safely back into her pockets. The ring was picked out by Lexie and her best guy friend Benji. Her best friend Siera was the lucky recipient, though she had no idea it was coming. When they moved to the big city, Siera for ballet and Lexie for writing, they never dreamed how much it would change their lives for the better. Siera was an accomplished ballerina, training at one of the best schools in the country. She had just gotten word that she was going to be the lead in the next production, which was when Benji called Lexie with the secret: after three years, he was going to propose to Siera, and he wanted Lexie's help to make it the best. Benji, the freelance photographer and Siera, the prima ballerina, didn't look like they would be together, but Lexie thought that was what made them work so well. Siera had brown hair and brown eyes, the All-American girl next door and Benji was, well... A bit more untamed. Shaking her head to clear her thoughts, Lexie noticed her stop was coming up.

 Tightening her scarf against her throat, she stepped off the train onto the subway platform. The heels of her boots clicked against the concrete as she made her way up the steps to the busy street above. Lexie shoved her hands into her coat pockets, both to protect from the cold and to ensure the safety of the ring. She began thinking again, about how work was moving a little slower for her but it still felt good to be a part of everyone's excitement. Her recently acquired boyfriend, Ryan, also didn't hurt in the success department. He was a chivalrous businessman and Lexie was falling hard, but the past refused to let go and she was unsure how long it would last this time. The walk signal lit up as she reached the corner, allowing her to cross the street. Her thoughts flittered amongst the flow of busy New Yorkers, her feet leading her where she needed to go. A gust of wind blew her red hair in every direction as she reached the coffee shop and shut the door behind her.

"Lexie!!!" A delighted male voice rang out. Looking up from adjusting her scarf, Lexie saw Benji at the counter. He was a barista at this particular coffee shop and he was hard to miss, with his bright blue Mohawk and various facial piercings. He smiled affectionately at her and came around the counter to give her a hug that lifted her off her feet. "Benji!" She laughed his name, her green eyes alight. "Hey, Carah, I'm going on my break!" He yelled to the pretty blonde working the espresso machine. Her ponytail bobbed as she acknowledged him. "Let's sit over here," he said to Lexie, gesturing to a table by the window, pulling his black apron over his head, wadding it into a ball of cotton polyester on the table. Benji rolled up the sleeves on his shirt, revealing his colorful tattoos and smiled at Lexie across the table. "So, were you able to get it?" He was breathless with excitement. Lexie grinned and placed the small burgundy box on the table. She watched his eyes as he opened it, feeling a small sense of pride that she helped him pick it out.

"Oh, Lex." He breathed, staring down inside the box. "I forgot how beautiful it was. We did such a kickass job. And you're sure it's her size?" He looked up expectantly as Lexie nodded fervently. She wiggled her left hand at him. "We wear the same size. It's a perfect fit. Siera is going to adore it."

"I can't believe this is happening, Lex. Thank you so much for all your help."
"Benny, it was my pleasure. Thank you for including me. So what's the plan for tonight?"
"I made dinner reservations at Siera's favorite place--"
"Giovanni's?" Lexie interrupted.
"That's it! The waiter is going to put the ring into her glass of champagne, so when she goes to take a sip, she'll see it in the bottom of the glass. Then I'll get down on one knee and pop the question."
"That's so romantic, but..." Lexie bit her lip and looked up at him apologetically.
His face fell. "What? What is it?!"

Lexie clasped her hands together in front of her on the table. "It's just, if it were me, I don't know that I would want to put a sticky champagne ring on my finger?" She looked at him, trying to gauge his reaction. He sighed and said "Yeah, I guess you're right. What do you suggest?" Lexie tapped her purple polished nails on the table, thinking. "What if..."

She snapped her fingers, "I got it! The Brownie Blitz is her favorite dessert there. They do all kinds of fancy patterns with chocolate syrup on the plate. Get them to use a bigger plate and have them write 'Will you marry me?' in chocolate on the plate!"

Benji grinned from ear to ear, "Lexie that's it! What would I do without you?!"
"That's easy, you'd be putting a sticky champagne ring on my best friend." She stuck her tongue out at him. "I think your break's up," she said, nodding towards a frazzled looking Carah. "Do you want me to hold on to this or you?"

Benji grabbed his apron off the table and slid it over his head, "You hold on to it. I'll meet you at the restaurant at six. You can give me the ring and then you can go help Siera get ready, because I know she'll want you to. Is Ryan coming?" Lexie gave Benji a tight hug and responded, "Yeah, he loves Italian food. I'll see you then."Lexie adjusted her newsboy cap as she opened the door to the cold autumn air, wondering when (and if) it was going to be her turn to be in the spotlight, rather than behind the scenes.

1 comment:

  1. I loved it! Lemme give you some notes so I can end on the excited reaction :P
    Formatting wise: 1) Every time a different person speaks it's the start of a new paragraph. So all of Benji's and Lexie's dialogues have to be separated from each other. Whenever they share a paragraph it throws the reader off because they are at first assuming that the first person was still talking. 2) There should be a comma after "Lexie" in the sentence "Lexie that's it!" 3) I don't think the double (?!) in "What? What is it?!" fits. I think keeping just the (?) fits his reaction better (because I didn't get it like he was yelling, but more like almost a defeated "Is that not good?")
    Minor details: 1) When she asks if Benji would like her to hold onto the ring, he gives no acknowledgment that she has asked, and instead states "you hold onto it" as if she had offered it to him. A nod or "yeah" or something to that nature would fix that. 2) Is there any way to specify she's wearing a hat sooner? I was under the impression she was wearing nothing on her head and was only wearing a coat and scarf against the cold (especially at the image of her hair whipping around in the wind). So maybe something like "underneath her cap, her red hair blew in every direction" or something/someplace else. I just felt like the hat came out of nowhere at the end.
    (Might just be me): Is it safe to pull out a diamond ring in a subway?
    OKAY!! Now that that's out of the way I can gush. VERY NICE! You used great imagery to paint the scene so it was all very visual in my mind. I think you did well in fitting in everyone's backstory so that it wasn't bulky or obtrusive. I especially liked how you teased us with the Benji information (saying he was a little more "untamed") and only giving us the description when he was at the scene (which then made the "untamed" comment hilarious because it's a "Ya don't say!?" moment xD). And because that worked, it shows that it'll work for whenever you introduce Ryan (and it's always best to do the official introductions when they are actually on-scene anyway). Oh! AND I'M SO HAPPY FOR LEXIE'S COMMENT ABOUT THE CHAMPAGNE MAKING THE RING STICKY. I always wondered that about people hiding the ring in food or beverages. It'd just make the thing REALLY sticky (which, not only would it make it uncomfortable, but wouldn't it also dim the shine once air dried until it's cleaned again?) And most importantly, it made me want to read on to the impending proposal night. :) This was really great, I hope you continue it sometime. (If only for a couple more installments here and there ;))

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